I'm so sick and tired of couples making out in middle of a comedy show. It's incredibly disrespectful; and it happens all the time. I don't understand how some guy telling dick jokes in a dark and dirty room, is such an aphrodisiac. It only shows how desperate and co-dependant two people are. First of all, it's often a couple sitting in the first couple of rows, or in the back of the room. The couple sitting up front want everyone to see how in love they are to deflect from two things: that the man keeps trying to look down the waitresses blouse; and the woman keeps laughing a little too hard at the comic's jokes. He keeps his arm around her, and kisses her every time she laughs at a joke, that way every other guy in the room doesn't get confused and think she's alone. She holds his hand because the second she lets go, he's going to try to fuck the woman sitting two rows behind them. And if I confront them about their public displays of affliction, they always get embarrassed and suprised that anyone was watching them. No one cares about you and your woman; and no one else wants to fuck either of you. So get over yourselves for a second and enjoy a show that you paid good money for.
The other couple always sits in the back of the room, as far away from the stage as they can get without leaving the room. These two take turns sitting in each others' laps and telling each other how wonderful they are. She tells him how much funnier he is than the comic on stage, and he tells her that he would never make fun of her like the comic on stage is making fun of his girlfriend. These two can't be bothered with the show at all, and are annoyed at how loud it is. So they have to talk louder and louder themselves, that way they can hear each other. These two are cheating on other people with each other. That is why they are hiding in a dark and dirty comedy showroom instead of at a romantic Italian restaurant. This couple when confronted for bother the people around them will get defensive and belligerant. The will want to know why I am bothering them. "Just tell your jokes. We're not stopping you. You're not even that funny."
These are the same people that make out and talk during an action-comedy movie. Neither couple should be allowed to continue the behavior. They should be warned once, then sprayed with the garden hose and sent out into the dark, frozen night.
I tell you all this to premise a story that happened recently at Giggles' open mic. Here it is:
I was sitting in the back of the room at Gigles waiting to go up. I was next. Andrew Sleighter was on stage, and doing very well with some newer jokes (that I helped him work out that day). A couple came into the showroom and sat right behind me. Then they immediately started talking, kissing, and climbing all over each other. They were instantly distracting. In a matter of seconds, I was ready to murder the both of them. It wasn't even that I could hear their voices over Andrew's. What set me off, was that thirty seconds into their face suck-off party, Sleighter told a joke the crowd liked and got a big laugh; and the girl said "That's not even funny." She hadn't been listening to a word he was saying, heard a punchline out of context, saw that it was well-received, and felt the need to make a shitty, bitchy comment about it.
I was going to politely ask them to keep it down, since I didn't want to cause a scene right before I went up, but decided after her comment to flash the flashlight in their faces instead. I gave them a light, just like you give a comic to let them know it is time to wrap it up, except I was three feet away from them. It took a second for them to realize what I just did, then the guy asked out loud "Did that guy just shine a flashlight at us? Maybe we should quiet down." That lasted all of fifteen seconds, until the girl started stroking his hair and kissing him, and TALKING again. This time I did say something. "Do you guys mind taking it out to the bar where you're not going to bother the people around you?" They got instantly defensive. "What? We're not even talking that loud." So I asked them "Why would you pay to get into a comedy show you don't want to watch, and sit in the back of the room to make out? Go suck face somewhere else."
That was when Sleighter said "That's my time everyone. Your next comic is Mike Cummings."
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